Dear She,

For the past year I have seen this girl walking across campus. And everytime I do, I stop and stare. One day, on some random and glorious morning, I randomly see her walking through campus. It’s cliche (and corny), but Iswear time slows down. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve almost been run over crossing the street across 13th because of her. The problem is: I want desperately to talk to her, but I can’t find a reason. As I graduate in December, I can’t wait for fate to step in and do my job for me. If it’s not meant to be, that’s fine, but I don’t want to be old and gray thinking “What if?”Any advice?

Dear Lazy Romantic,

Wow, you need to grow a pair. The attempt at this is simple.
You stare at the girl every day. You’re lucky she hasn’t noticed you long enough to think you’re a freak. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you stay well hidden behind the trees.

The best case scenario is you continue to stalk her long enough to find out even one person she talks to. The chances of her knowing someone that you know are very high. Find out from friends of friends where she hangs out–go there, “accidentally” bump into her, and then you will see if you have a shot. This being the less-cowardly attempt at stalking; and hey, there’s always Facebook.

Live up you’re last year of college, kid. Stop depending on fate and use the excuse that everyone goes to the same parties weekend after weekend. Put the small confines of campus-life to good use, there are only so many place she could hang out.

If all else fails, you could just continue to watch her cross the street, maybe even try to snap a photo…but please, watch for on-coming traffic.

Dear She,

Me and my girlfriend fuck on a constant basis and it’s pretty good. Fuckin’s like the best part of what we do and I happen to think I’m pretty damn good at it. So, one day we get drunk at one of her friend’s parties (the kind where chicks bring their boyfriends to have “fun” and introduce) and we’re playing a game of “Never Have I Ever”. One of the chicks starts staring at my girlfriend; in that “you know what” kinda way. Suddenly, the bitch says: “Never have I ever… had an orgasm.” I’m drinking, the chick ext to me is drinkin, the guy in front of me is drinkin… but guess what? My girl ain’t drinkin’. When I asked her about it, she says she never came before, even with me. For 3 months since, we’ve been trying and nothing works. The bad thing, though, is that it’s starting to take a toll on our relationship. I don’t know what to do.

Dear Inadequate Performer,

1. Pick up some light reading: Idiot’s Guide to Giving an Orgasm

2. If you are seriously asking me how to give a girl an orgasm you don’t even deserve to be writing me. Maybe your BIG ego has been getting in the way of you successfully turning on your girlfriend—”she never came before, even with me”….really?

Dear She,

My girlfriend and I have been dating off and on for the past year and I love her. Even though we’ve been through a lot of bullshit I still find myself drawn to her and loving her more and more. Recently, however, I went to a show at the First Unitarian and hadn’t eaten all that day so I stopped by at the Mix which is right next to it. I sat down and minded my own business, but suddenly I became floored by the waitress working that night. It was the kind of thing where it’s not just the beauty of the person, but their aura. She could’ve opened her mouth at any moment about anything and I would have listened to every word. This is something I haven’t felt in a long time. And, I know this is wrong, but I didn’t even feel this way when I met her. The fact is, though I love her. I can even see myself settling down with her for the long run (my girlfriend that is), but ‘m scared. If I do stay with her, am I just settling? Or am I sacrificing the one good thing in my life for a chance that could end in nothing. I feel terrible, but I have to figure something out. What the fuck am I supposed to do?

Dear Distraught & Lovestruck,

This perplexed situation only gives way to one possible answer. No matter how much you may feel you love the person you are with right now, any span of time could change that. If you feel you are “settling” in any way I’d say you have a right to play the field, so to speak.

This does not mean breaking it off with your current girlfriend to get with anything that walks. But you seem like a pretty decent fellow (after all, you go to concerts at First Unitarian), I wouldn’t expect that out of you…

Only by experience can you understand what you need to do. And if your lack of experience with what else is out there says hit the road–then listen. Just be prepared for the consequences. If you realize you aren’t, don’t go through with it.